By taking the first letter from each word in this French phrase Repondez s'il vous plait (res-pond-ay see voo play) one arrives at R.s.v.p. Even though the literal translation is "Respond if you please" the meaning is implied rather than literal. It can be likened to someone asking "How are you?" If the respondent replies literally, reciting a litany of woes and ills, the inquirer will certainly not want to linger any longer than necessary. So, R.s.v.p. means let your host know if you will or will not attend the function to which you have been invited. It does not mean let your host know only if you feel like it or if you don't have any other better offers.
Sharp-eyed readers may take issue with the lack of capitalization on three of the letters. However, R.s.v.p. is correct as it stands for the imperative sentence Repondez s'il vous plait. The sentence would be incorrect if written "Repondez S'il Vous Plait" in French or English. But Tea Lady, you say, your blog title is in all capitals! Yes, it is and I am taking literary license to title my blog in that manner because it looks better in print.
Some crafty hosts in an effort to get invitees to respond to an invitation will use "The favour of a reply is requested" as a substitute for R.s.v.p. The onus still remains on the invitee to respond. It matters not if the response is affirmative or negative.
According to Letitia Baldridge's book, New Manners for New Times, the use of "Regrets Only" is "a cop-out to help lazy people become even lazier in replying." Baldridge says, "Use 'Regrets Only' if you wish. I would never use it. I expect my friends to be nice enough to reply to my invitations, regardless of whether they accept or regret."*
The proper placement for R.s.v.p. on an invitation is in the lower left corner with a phone number or other form of contact. An exception to putting a contact number under R.s.v.p. would be if a reply card is enclosed with the invitation. This most likely applies to wedding invitations where a phone number or email on the actual invitation would look out of place.
With the plethora of devices available for communicating replying to an invitation should be a breeze. For the most part the days of a handwritten reply to an invitation are by-gone. However, if one really wants to make a statement, a handwritten reply is the ultimate sign of respect for the host. The Tea Lady encourages you to try it sometime. Who knows? Those by-gone days may return!
*New Manners for New Times: A Complete Guide to Etiquette, Letitia Baldridge, Scribner, NY, NY, Copyright 2003, pages 424-425. ISBN: 0-7432-1062-X
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